With Tom Brady suspended and Jimmy Garappolo hurting, Patriots coach Bill Belichick has announced that Air Bud, the “Golden Receiver”, will start at quarterback this Thursday against Houston.

Texans coach Bill O’Brien said it was “totally unacceptable” to have a hilarious and lovable dog play in the NFL. “It’s crazy,” said O’Brien. “And I know personally, that dog is a menace! He picked up a garden hose and ran around with it, accidentally squirting our whole team!”

“There’s nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can’t play football!” bellowed Belichick at reporters. “Now we need a miracle to win against the Texans on Thursday, and sometimes, miracles come on four legs!” Belichick then put his fist up in the air as the entire Patriot team cheered.

Air Bud has an amazing quarterback rating of 119.2 due to his incredible throwing mouth, and his unique ability to avoid tacklers. The dog is also the only quarterback in the NFL who plays best when Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumping” is playing in the background.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.