With the Patriots still undefeated seven weeks into the season, Tom Brady’s ‘Helmet Catch’ night terrors are spiking in intensity.

“We have lost just enough games in recent seasons to keep the demons at bay,” said a stony faced Brady. However, he confirmed that this season he could hardly close his eyes without having visions of David Tyree’s now-legendary Super Bowl catch to rob Brady and his Patriots of the NFL’s first-ever 19-0 season.

Last night, Giselle Bundchen comforted Brady, who was drenched in a cold sweat. “It was horrible,” stammered a visibly shaken Brady, “his helmet turned into a big black hole with teeth, sucking in everything until all that was left was blackness and the sound of ’18-1’ being whispered by a chorus of creepy children.”

Giselle said she was at her wits end. “Normally, in his sleep he just calls audibles or lovingly moans ‘Gronkowski’. Now he is always sobbing and thrashing around.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.