The offseason will prove productive for the Spurs’ Tim Duncan, as the seasoned forward was offered a deal to design and advertise his own new pair of custom Adidas basketball sneakers — the first ever to feature easy-to-use velcro straps in lieu of traditional laces.

The overall aesthetic and functionality of the custom shoe will prove not dissimilar those most commonly seen in elderly and juvenescent communities; ergonomic features for which Duncan himself voted strongly in favor.

“I’m really psyched about being on the vanguard of combining style with comfort, and creating footwear that gets you back in the game in an expedient, back pain-free manner,” said Duncan.

The decision has confused younger Tim Duncan fans and basketball sneakerheads alike; an early prototype test of the sneaker earned critiques such as “better suited for bocce” and “profoundly gray”.

Duncan hopes to design and debut the shoe in time for next season, which will be his 19th in the NBA. The 40-year old has stated the added arch support and lumbar-friendly attributes of the new sneaker should allow him to excel in the game as well as in his brisk post-retirement sessions on the elliptical machine.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.