While most football fans are excited for their favorite NFL franchise to take the field this season, 96% of Buffalo Bills fans are more looking forward to getting dangerously intoxicated and being slammed onto a table.

“It’s a tradition up here in Buffalo,” said Bills coach Rex Ryan. “And I’m all for it. I mean look at me. I’m basically the personification of a drunk falling into furniture.”

It all started after losing four straight Super Bowls. To avoid another crushing emotional disappointment, fans began blacking out and slamming each other into tables. It takes a physical and mental toll, but at least it makes you forget about their team’s performance on the field.

“OH CRAP, MY FACE!” screamed Ryan as a group of four fans jovially lifted then dropped him onto a table. “You guys are right, this is way better then watching us play.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.