In the latest blunder for the struggling franchise, the Philadelphia 76ers have gambled away their number one pick, Ben Simmons, at the Las Vegas Summer League.

“It was a blur. I’m not sure how it happened,” said a disheveled looking Bryan Colangelo, smoking a cigarette. “I been playin’ a lotta cards… a lotta craps… things got outta hand. Next thing I know, we owe Ben to some Russian guy named Tito. A Russian named Tito, you ever heard of something like that?”


This will be a tough pill to swallow for an organization that has been at the bottom of the NBA for years.

“Not even Sam Hinkie would have been so reckless. Stupid, Bryan! Stupid! Stupid!” said Colangelo, hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand. “Now I gotta call Dad and tell him what I’ve done. Maybe he can front me Joel Embiid and I can get back in the black here.”

On the bright side, Simmons’ future is certainly looking brighter now that he is out of the floundering organization.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.