1. Andy Dalton will dye his hair brown, and will henceforth be referred to as the Brown Rocket.
2. Steve Smith Sr. will suddenly realize he’s “gettin’ too old for this shit.”
3. The NFL will fine Tom Brady for a “sexually suggestive gesture,” which in his case will just be taking off his helmet to reveal his rugged good looks.
4. Andrew Luck will get a goddamned second to throw the football for once.
5. Carson Wentz will rush for a touchdown and use his celebration as a platform to discuss the insensitivity of the term “Redskin”.
6. Richard Sherman will intercept a pass, hold the ball up in the air, and shout “FOR TRUMP!”
7. Cleveland will win.