Because it’s important:

How many viewers will Wade Phillips’ jowls have?

Over/Under   117 million

If there is an earthquake during the game, how much will Wade Phillips’ jowls jiggle?

So Much   +110 (11/10)

They Will Never Stop Jiggling    -150 (2/3)

Will Wade Phillips’ jowls get an interception in the first half?

Yes   150/1

MINNEAPOLIS - OCTOBER 17:  Dallas Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips looks on during the game against the Minnesota Vikings at Mall of America Field on October 17, 2010 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Vikings defeated the Cowboys 24-21.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Wade Phillips

What is the total number of jowls that Wade Phillips will have?

Two   3/4

(Oh God We Hope It’s) More Than Two   13/2

What percentage of people in the stadium will miss Coldplay’s entire performance because they will be too busy staring at Wade Phillips’ jowls?

100%   5/4

Everybody Except One Guy   4/1

Coldplay Won’t Play Because Chris Martin Will Get Distracted By Wade Phillips’ Jowls   4/1

Who will be the Super Bowl MVP?

Wade Phillips’ Left Jowl   3/1

Wade Phillips’ Right Jowl   3/1

Peyton Manning   50/1


Both of Wade Phillips’ Jowls   2/6

Will Peyton Manning decide to not retire after having an epiphany while staring into Wade Phillips’ jowls?

Yes   8/1

Will the referee redo the coin toss after the coin bounces off the grass and becomes lodged in one of Wade Phillips’ jowls?

Yes   4/5

Dallas Cowboys v Minnesota Vikings

Will Cam Newton be penalized for excessive celebration after he dances a seven-minute choreographed routine with Wade Phillips’ jowls while Wade Phillips stands motionless, glaring at him?

Yes   1/12

Will Luke Kuechly record a—hahahaha look at Wade Phillips’ jowls!

Hahahahahaha   EVEN (1/1)

What does Wade Phillips most resemble?

Neighbor Who Is Mad That You Broke His Window   -160 (5/8)

Guy Who Teaches Middle School Math So That He Can Assistant Coach The Softball Team  +130 (13/10)

Kindly Newt Gingrich   +120 (6/5)

New Wade

Wade Phillips’ jowls?

Wade   1/5

Phillips’   +300

Jowls   6.5

WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 25:  Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives Newt Gingrich(L) attends The Washington Post White House Correspondents' Pre-Dinner Reception  at The Washington Hilton on April 25, 2015 in Washington, DC.  (Photo by Brad Barket/Getty Images)

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.