I’ve been a fan of the Golden State Warriors literally my entire life. My mom likes to joke that, from the time I came out of the womb, I was spitting up yellow and blue.

But I just feel like the team, as much as I love them, is never going to get over the hump and win a title during my lifetime. I’m not huge into this “analytics movement” they talk about at the Mommy & Me Stats Class, but if past performance is indeed an indicator of future success, they’re on pace to win exactly jack squat during my 8-ish decades on Earth.

Nice dunk, but how about a championship? (Getty)

Nice dunk, but how about a championship? (Getty)


I remember, at some point during my seventh or so month in the ol’ Wombada Inn, there was a big cheering noise. It was a little muffled, but I could tell something really great had just gone down. I fear that I will never know that joy.

And sure, the Warriors are very much in contention and appear to be set up to vie for multiple championships over the next decade as this talented and selfless core of stars grows and develops together. But you have to understand: ten months really feels like an eternity when you’re ten months old.

Regardless, you have to admit that it’s a little crazy to try to win a basketball championship with a bunch of guys like Harrison Barnes and Klay Thompson, who are, I imagine, like a million years old. (Disclaimer: not super good at numbers yet.)

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.